Hold On Tight

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Have you ever had a moment where you really like the person that God is shaping you to be? It's not a narcissistic thing to think, if anything I believe you're giving God credit for the work that He is doing in your life. 

I've had a few of these moments this past week. As many of you know, the past two years of my life, specifically last semester, was the most trying time of my life. I lost friends, valued relationships, money, dreams and a much longer list of things. Over Christmas break, I found myself ready to duke it out with God.  "How could you do this to me?" I yelled at Him one night. "What have I done to deserve this?" I became angrier at God because as I called out to Him, I felt nothing. Growing up, whenever I prayed or called out to God, I always felt as if He was listening. But, here I was, crying out to Him as my world fell apart, and He was being silent. I felt hurt and abandoned. 

I am now about three weeks into my second semester at college here at John Brown in Arkansas. And honestly, I am having one of the best times of my life. If you had told me, last month during Christmas break, that I'd be feeling this way, I would have told you that you were crazy. 

I am now so thankful that God allowed me to go through those trials and that He took away many things that were important in my life. Although the friends, relationships and material things that I valued were not wrong or sinful, I had made them way too important in my life. The several emotional breakdowns that I had throughout the course of Thanksgiving and Christmas showed me how greatly I valued them. And, it is not wrong to value things. However, I had become okay with just being okay in my relationship with God because I had everything that I needed and wanted. 

Now that God, in His grace, chose to take away all of that stuff, I was forced once again to become completely dependent on Him and to trust Him. And, looking back, I am able to see that all of that stuff that was taken away was for my good! Just like Romans 8:28 says, "All things work together for good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose". 

Since I have begun to focus clearly on God, He has begun to do some awesome things. First, and maybe most exciting: I've been asked to start a ministry group on campus dedicated to ending sex slavery. How cool is that? The only reason I'll be able to do this is because God has matured me and greatly freed up my schedule. Second, I've made some amazingly awesome new friends. Before, I had been so preoccupied with other relationships and just silly old stuff that I had not developed and nourished friendships. Yes, I had friends, but not the deep friendships that I have now. I've even found my roommate for next year. Boo-yeahhh! Thirdly, and probably the most important: God has begun to change my hear to be more like His. I've noticed that I'm more kind in my actions, words and thoughts. My desire to serve others has become some much less selfish. No longer is it that I want people to notice me because I'm serving them, but that I want to serve others because God is the example of the Great Servant. Finally, God has worked on my heart in phenomenal ways. I was able to forgive my mom, something that I never ever thought possible! 

Now, I'm not saying all of this to brag and be like, "hey, look how great my life is!". If you're going through a difficult trial, you're probably thinking I can't relate because my life is going so great right now and you've just lost everything. No, that's not what I'm trying to do. What I'm trying to do is encourage you to HANG ON! HANG ON TIGHT! Hang on tight to your faith even when you feel like God is not close (and, Jesus promised He'd never leave us nor forsake us! So we know feeling abandoned is a lie straight from Satan!) My trying season lasted for OVER TWO YEARS! That is an incredibly long time. I lost everything that I thought was important. Now, though, after God has brought me through that, I am able to go: Woah, God, thank you so much. Because now, I am becoming the person that God wants me to be! Because He took away all that stuff I am now able to serve Him better. And, I've become more kind, friendly, selfless and empathetic! I would not be able to go, "God, I really like the person that you're creating me to be" unless I went through that time of remolding. It was painful but greatly needed. 

So please, if you're reading this, just hold on to your faith tight. Remember, God works all things together for good, for *YOUR good. Even if it may not seem it at the moment. Believe me, I've been there. I've questioned His goodness. And now, over two years later, I am beginning to see some of His purposes. 

Remember, our life in Christ makes us NEW creations! When we choose to follow Christ, we choose to let God have all of us, every single part of our being, and to shape us into the person He wants us to be. Although this is painful, it is also awesome! 

"... anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" 2 Cor. 5:17