Traveling Through

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I've been blessed to be able to do an extensive amount of traveling in my short life. In the past 6 years I've traveled to: Canada, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Italy (3 times), Belize, Egypt, Russia, Singapore and the Philippines. In addition I've traveled extensively in the United States as well. I've seen the Grand Canyon, deserts, Rocky Mountains, Great Lakes, Civil War battle grounds, Disney World, beautiful beaches and New York City among others (honestly, I can't remember all the places I've been in the United States unless someone asked me about specific experiences).

On Wednesday I leave for my next foreign adventure, and my longest one too! For 6 weeks I'll be traveling through Ireland, Northern Ireland and England. Ireland and London are two of the places I've always wanted to visit, so I could not be more excited!

Some pictures from some of my travels:

Germany. This is the castle Disney modeled theirs after

Venice, Italy 

Crooked Tree, Belize

Giza Pyramids, Egypt 

Egypt

Jolly Bee, The Philippines

Medical clinic work, The Philippines 

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina USA

Sea World, Orlando, FL USA

Since I'll be leaving in 4 days, I'm doing what I always do before a big trip: looking over the packing list, getting my stuff together, making sure I don't need any new shots, and looking at the weather to plan my outfits.
However, something seems different about this trip. Again, I can't help but think that I'm not the same person I was in a lot of these pictures (except maybe the one of me and Shamu, that was taken 2 months ago). The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I'm not the same person. I've grown so much spiritually, in self confidence and in independence. Even though I wouldn't admit it, it was always hard for me to travel abroad because I knew I wouldn't see my family for several weeks. When I went to The Philippines and I found out I could not communicate with my family due to the lack of internet and phone access, I was crushed. Now, I'm honestly more excited to meet up with my friends in Europe then I was to come home. Not once have I thought about how much I'll be able to call home or email. Sure, I'll miss my family. But I've realized I can be successful independently and I can function on my own.
As I said, God has used the trials in the last year of my life to grow me tremendously. I'm still not where I'd like to be, but I'm growing and I'm feeling every growing pain. And, as I've been thinking and preparing for my upcoming trip, I can't help but think about how traveling relates to my Christian walk.

As Paul said in his letter to the Philippians: "...We are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for Him to return as our Savior. He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like His own, using the same power with which He will bring everything under control" (3:20-21).

I've found that I identify myself as an American most when I travel. In order to go anywhere you always have to have your passport on you. When going through customs they always ask you where you are from and your purpose for travel and scan your passport to make sure that you're telling them the truth. Likewise, when I'm visiting another country, I usually begin to realize how awesome home is, especially if the country is much different than mine. In Europe I became thankful I did not have to pay to use public bathrooms back home. In Egypt I became thankful that I can wear shorts without every single man on the street undressing me with his eyes. In The Philippines I became thankful for not only clean drinking water, but water that I can make warm or cold with the turn of a knob.
Likewise, our walks with Christ should constantly remind us that we are citizens of heaven and Earth is simply a travel destination. We're just passing through on an awesome and amazing trip (after all, life really is awesome and amazing!) until we get home. It's like we're at standby at an airport. Except, we don't have to wait in the airport, we get to explore our entire location! At any moment the airline can call us and tell us our plane is ready and we can leave. Likewise, at any moment Jesus can call us home.
Furthermore we need to live like we are citizens of Heaven and not of Earth. As Paul said to Peter:

^"Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls.  Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world" (1 Peter 2:11-12)

When I go to another country I cannot simply become a citizen of that country by visiting. I do not speak the language, I do not dress the same way and most of the time I don't even look like the natives. I am a foreigner. We as Christians should look at our time here on Earth the same way, just as Paul said! We should not look, act or dress the same as Earthly residents. We need to dress in a clean modest fashion, speak in a pleasing way and serve and love others so much that everyone who sees us knows what we are doing is foreign. We are citizens of Heaven, people, and we must act like it!

When traveling a passport proves your citizenship. Our lives should be our passport and show our citizenship. As Paul said to the Corinthians: 

"The only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves. Your lives are a letter written in our hearts; everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you....This 'letter' is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts" (2 Cor. 3:2-3)

As Paul said, our lives are our recommendation. For my traveling analogy, I say this is like our passports. 

Finally, packing is one of the most important parts of the trip. If I went to Egypt and packed the same clothes I took with me to Germany, I'd be extremely uncomfortable. So, what are you packing for your trip to Heaven? It's a one way final destination flight. Heaven airlines has really weird luggage requirements and actually requires you ship everything ahead of time. Their customs are funky, too. In fact, Jesus told us exactly what we can take:

"Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroy them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store up your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will be also" (Matt. 6:19-20). 

Although we are saved by grace and not by deeds we can store up our works for Christ in Heaven. Our good works that we do for Him do gain meaning after we are saved. We do not do good works to earn salvation or more love (because we can't) but we do good works to please Him and so that we have crowns to give Him. 

I can't wait to get to Heaven. Have you ever arrived home from a long trip and then got together with people several weeks later to tell stories? It is great! Things that seemed miserable in the moment usually make the best and funniest stories. How much more awesome will it be in Heaven? When all of us sit around eating the best food (hopefully best fried chicken, biscuits and sweet tea ever) and sharing stories from our travels? I CAN'T WAIT!

If you've enjoyed my blogs please comment below, or, even better: become a follower! :-)

This Road That I'm On

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I successfully finished my first year at college! WOOHOO! Today was a big day of reflection for me. It was my first day home alone since I've been back, and it would have also been my 2nd official anniversary with my now ex-boyfriend. I haven't changed my bedroom since August when I left, so my room is literally a time machine. My wall is still covered with pictures of my high school friends, the bookshelf is still messy and there is no trace of the last 9 months of my life. However, as I stand in this room, I realize that I am different. I may have the same name and look the same way that I did when I left, but emotionally and spiritually, I am not the same person. 

 As I look back I'm completely stunned at how much I went through this past year. Major financial issues, changing majors twice, a prolonged sickness, a difficult break-up and the loss of best friends all while being away from home for the first prolonged time in my life. Even though some of my scars are still healing, as I look back I can't help but see God's goodness and mercies. As time has gone on some things have happened that have shown me that I NEEDED to go through that rough spot in my life. I had become so comfortable with being just okay with God that I needed something drastic to happen, to completely strip me down of all my comforts, so I would again be completely dependent upon Him. He did it and it worked. I can honestly say that my faith has never been stronger and I don't feel like I've ever been this close to God. It's a wonderful feeling. And, if I had to go through all of that hurt to get to this place I'm okay with that. 

Last week I read through Philippians, and have never felt a book in the Bible speak to me so much. Having just come out of the most trying period in my life, I honestly felt like Paul was speaking directly to me. Chapter 4 really hit home for me, almost all of it, but especially this verse:

"I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little" Philippians 4:11

As soon as I thought that, I remembered 1 Peter 1:7 "These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world". 

My first thought to that was, "Yup, God, You've tested me. I've proven faithful, now please don't test me again for awhile." As soon as I thought that I felt guilty. If anything, It think that shows my LACK of faith and dependence upon Him. He's provided in crazy ways as He's chipped off things that have been hindering my walk with Him. 

But I'm tired, I am worn. I feel like God has taken everything from me that I've held dear. And, being in my room surrounded by the pictures of me smiling the biggest smiles I've ever had because I had everything that I wanted doesn't help. However, this makes me realize how selfish I am. Even though I was happy then, having everything I wanted, I should even be more happy now because I'm the place where God wants me to be. Sure, I may not have the relationships, the money or the status I had in these pictures, but what those pictures don't show is my heart. Although I was happy and claiming to be close to God, I wasn't as close as I could have been. I kept pushing Him aside to make time for other things. Now, I feel closer to God than ever. I trust Him more than ever. And, in sight of eternity, that is what is important. My friends will fail me, they have. My money will fail me, it has. Boys will fail me, they have. But God, God will never fail me. Even the pain that He allows me to go through is BECAUSE HE LOVES ME! And He knows that in the long run, I need to chip some things out of my life that could be bad for me in the long run. Since He's all knowing, He knows what those things are. This thought process reminded me of: 

"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2:20). 

When I chose to become a Christian, I chose to give up my dreams, desires and wants for what Christ wants for my life and the ministry that He has called me to to serve Him. I need to work on getting rid of my selfish desires, my Earthly desires, in pursuit of what He wants for me. Because what He wants for me is way better than anything I could ever think of. He knows the future and how everything will work together. I don't. 

So, God has done some crazy things this past week that have stirred up all of my big worry issues:

1. I lost my job. A job that I love that was my main source of income I lost for what I believe to be unfair reasons. Thought: There goes my car next year and here comes the financial stress. 
2. I had some unexpected bills come up that I had to tap into the rest of my savings (that was going to be the spending money on my Ireland trip) to pay for the bills. Thought: Hellos financial stress, goodbye awesome vacation. 
3. One of my good friends wants nothing to do with me. Thought: Hello self-worth issues

However, as soon as these thoughts came into my head, I tried to remind myself how awesome God has been to me and how He has provided for me. I'm thankful that He will continue to test me a try me until I am completely reliant upon Him and no longer have those thoughts. He'll provide, He always does. 

And, God has shown that, this past week has been CRAZY!!! I'm home and realized home is a lot more awesome then I remembered. Things are in the works that God may be providing me with a car. There a job opportunities. And, God has allowed an awesome boy into my life. A boy that is showing me I can get butterflies again, and that there are guys that love the Lord more than themselves and desire to serve Him in awesome ways. Yup, God is in the process of doing crazy, awesome things in my life. 

Thank you for sharing in this thunderstorm in my life through this blog this semester. I currently plan not to blog again until next semester, however, I know God will be doing amazing things this summer in my life. I cannot wait to see what they are!

Thank you for dancing with me, and I hope my stories of how God is working in my life have helped you splash in the puddles of your storms a little more ;-) 

My Biggest Sin Issue

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Disclaimer: The above picture is just super cute and is only kind of related to my post :-)

Okay, so here's me be open and honest to the entire internet world: Okay, well, more to like the 20 or so people that read my blog posts :-)

I'm going to open myself up tonight a lot more than I usual do, and talk about my current biggest sin issue. Although when I say current, I should say the sin issue that has been plaguing me all semester. Although I've struggle with it my entire life, this semester it has been particularly bad this semester. 

I have a serious jealousy issue. To many of you this may not seem like that big of an issue, but I've begun to notice how it is beginning to creep into almost all of my relationships. 

Although I get jealous about just about everything, although I hardly ever verbalize it, the two things I get most jealous about are money and relationships. Not money in the sense that I want to be rich, but money in the sense that it annoys the snot out of me when I feel people don't have to work for anything. You know, heiresses or just incredibly lucky people. 

This past year has been tough financially for me. I've worked two jobs while trying to run my own organic cookie dough business just to make ends meet. I don't have a car, because every single penny I have goes to paying for living expenses since my family is unable to help pay for any of my school. So, here I am working my butt off just to make my school payments on time and buy toothpast at Wal-Mart and there a kids driving around $40,000 cars. They don't have to do workstudy. They don't have to do anything. Yup, I'm jealous. 

Or, even more than money is relationships. I get SO JEALOUS of people that have stable family lives that I find myself getting angry towards THEM, even though they didn't choose which family to be born into. I get jealous when people have awesome boyfriends, because I've been single for 6 months now and 0 guys have shown actual interest. Other people are getting engaged and married, and even though that would not work well in my life right now, I get jealous because that's what I want some day. 

Although I have these feelings, I don't verbalize them. Even though jealousy eats me to the core I try to smile and pretend that I'm happy for everyone. And, although I am happy, part of me wishes that I could switch lives with them for just a few hours. 

God has really been working on my heart these past few weeks. And, to anyone else out there struggling with jealousy, I'd like to share what I've learned. 

First, why is jealousy bad? I believe it's bad because it directly takes away from the joy that I should have about what God is doing in my own life. I should not seek to have the life or story that someone else has because I am not them. I should not want the same story that someone else has. I should be excited about everything that God is doing in my life. 

I also need to learn to be content where God has placed me. As Paul said when he was in jail and writing to the church in Phillipi, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Phil. 4:12) Again, I need to be excited for what God is doing in the lives of others and also what He is doing in my own life. 

When I became a Christian, I agreed to give up all of my own wants and desires for what God wants for me. If God has a plan for me that involves not getting married, not only do I need to be okay with that, I should be excited for that because His plans are SO MUCH BETTER than anything I could ever want. Because, well, He's God and knows me and everything better than I ever will. 

Finally, jealously hurts relationships. I've seen it first hand. I become ill intentioned about EVERYTHING and almost towards EVERYONE because EVERYONE has something that I want (or so it seems). How can I really love someone if I'm secretly resenting them? How can I really be friends with them when I can't listen to their hurt because I'm constantly comparing it to my own? The truth is I can't. One day I want people to look at my and see the love of Christ. I can't do this if I have jealousy. 

I hope that if you're struggling with jealousy I've been able to encourage you a little bit :-) 

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective" (James 5:16)

God is *CRAZY*

Our God is crazy. Like, crazy, crazy, CRAY-ZEE!!! As I'm writing this, I cannot stop smiling and I feel like joy is literally spilling out of me as I am completely overwhelmed by His Awesome Craziness!

This entire semester, as you can see with my blog posts, I've been really struggling with the goodness of God. Even though by many standards I have never had something "terrible" (I've never been raped, I've never lost a child, I've never been tortured, ext.) happen to me, I personally feel like these past 3 years have taken me to Hell and back. Especially these last 9 months. I've been seriously battling thoughts of, "If God is a good God, why would He do this? Why would He allow this to happen to me?" And, this week God has DONE AMAZING THINGS in my life! 

(Let me give a little background)

I had an epiphany this week in church on Easter. God's goodness is in no way whatsoever dependent upon my current circumstances or state of happiness. God demonstrated His goodness just by creating everything to work perfect. And then, He did His first CRAZY thing! He gave people the choice to follow Him. When they didn't (HERE'S THE CRAZY PART!) He didn't just destroy everything and start again. What He did was put in place this CRAZY plan for redemption because He loved them and us so much. This love in impossible to describe. But, anyways, back to me:

God demonstrated His crazy, intense, impossible to comprehend love for me before I was even born. The entire Old Testament, every single miracle, every single act of divine forgiveness, was all done so Christ could be born. And, the main reason Christ was born was to die. To die for me. To be offered as the only sacrifice that was good enough to cover all sins for forever. If He couldn't have forgiven my sins, He wouldn't have come, because it needed to cover everyone for forever. 

On Good Friday I attempted to watch "The Passion of the Christ" with some friends, and couldn't bear to watch the whipping scene let alone His crucifixion. But, guess what, He suffered all that pain for me! Yup, crazy, crazy, love!

NOW TO MY MAIN POINT (Sorry for the long introduction, just on a serious God high right now!) 

So, Easter weekend, I really began to realize God's goodness. As I thought back on the ways He provided for me last semester, I was in awe. And, well, then this week happened and now I'm balling with joy like a baby. 

Monday night I was yet again struggling with God's goodness. For some reason, out of no where, I was having a really difficult time being single. I missed my relationship, I missed the person, I just missed everything. And then, it got to the point where I didn't miss the specifics, I just missed having a FB relationship heart, a guy to text and someone to tell me they loved me before I went to bed (I know, pathetic, but in the moment it was all very real). And so, naturally, I began to question God's goodness. I as questioned God's goodness, I remembered how I still have no idea how I'm going to pay for the rest of my tuition. And then I got mad at God for not allowing a loan I wanted to go through. And then I got mad at God for not giving me the home life I wanted and, yeah. ONE BIG, WORRYING, FREAKING OUT MESS! 

I began talking to a friend who told me about King David. At first I was slightly frustrated. I appreciated his effort in trying to comfort me, but I really just wanted someone to tell me what I wanted to hear (don't we all when we're mad?). Anyways, he explained King David (let's call him KD) in a way I'd never explained before. GOD HIMSELF had promised David he'd be king. Yet, he had to live in nasty caves and suffer a lot of 10 years. He suffered a lot. And, most of the book of Psalms is like one giant vent to God that we can read from him. But, here's what my friend said that really hit a chord with me, "King David never saw himself as the great man we see him as today. We just see humility, repentance, worship, love.... He saw just another man with his problems trying to obey the will of God." WOW! He was right. What if God was doing something similar in my life? What if God was doing something AWESOME In my life that I can't see for many years? I pushed the thought away and tried to go to sleep. 

Tuesday morning, I really think God spoke to me. I was in chapel and we singing "Sovereign" by Christ Tomlin. There was a line that really struck me: "In Your never failing love, You work everything for good, God whatever comes my way I will trust You". In that moment I really felt God say to me, "Krista, look at ALL THE THINGS I've done for you. I demonstrated my love to you before you were born. The fact that you're worshiping me at a Christian college is a testament to My grace in your life. I provided for you in awesome ways last semester, why do you think I'll stop? Why do you not trust My ways when I love you in a way you will never fully understand? WHY DO YOU NOT TRUST ME?" Yup, you guessed it, I started balling. It was the first time in 3 years that I was really struck with God's grace, goodness, faithfulness  and CRAZY LOVE!

And then, I felt God smile at me and laugh a little bit because my school staff dropped dozens of big balloons on us from the balcony. Balloons are one of my FAVORITE things in the entire world, and God knows that, but I don't think I've told anyone at school. I felt God smile on me. 

And then today, here's where the CRAZY things happened. 

1) I really came to a place of closure today. Randomly, but I felt this overwhelming sense of peace come over me. No more guilt, no more regret, no more missing being in a relationship  Just complete and perfect peace and happiness where God has me. 

2) God provided several thousand dollars. THIS IS HUGE! This covers my summer tuition and some of my fall tuition. The hardest thing to trust God with for me is money and this just blew my mind. I had tried so hard to get a loan, but He continually closed those doors because He knew this would happen. 

I know this was long and I babbled a lot, but hopefully the complete awe of God and joy that I'm feeling in at this new level of trust came through in my writing and encouraged you!
I'm dancing today like I never have before! GOD IS SO CRAZY!!

Here's an awesome song (don't like the singer, but listen to the lyrics)

When God Isn't Good Anymore...

Small disclaimer: Sorry everyone that I haven't written in a while. Life' been hectic, as you will read...

When does God stop being good? Or, I guess the better question is: when has God been the "bad guy" in your life? If you say, "Krista, I have never once questioned God's goodness." Then I would quickly answer back, "I don't believe you." And, if you honestly, honestly have never questioned God's goodness, I still don't believe you. All people, Christians or not, even the strongest of Atheists and Agnostics, have at some point in their life questioned God and His goodness and have all wondered, "How would I supposedly good God allow this to happen?" I know that this is a question I've been struggling with for the past few weeks.

A few weeks ago, a girl at my college passed away. Although I knew her, I was not close to her. However, several of my friends were. As I listened, they asked questions I could not answer: Why did God allow this to happen? Why would a good God do this? My school held a memorial service for her the day after her passing. Again, although I was not close with her, my heart broke as I heard the sobs of her friends. Even worse, I listened to the anguish in the cries of her parents. Hearing the cries of parents who have lost their children had to be the most heartbreaking thing I've ever heard. As I sat in my pew, I couldn't help but wonder, why would a good God let this happen? 

In my major, Child & Family Studies (Pre-Social Work) I read about terrible and disgusting things that have happened to children. Often in my classes, although I don't voice my thoughts, I wonder how God could let this happen. How could He allow an innocent baby to be sexually abused? How could he allow toddlers to be tortured? Again, I don't know.

At my school, I'm the founder and co-leader of a group that helps girls who have been rescued from sex slavery. Again, how could a good God who is supposed to be loving and protective allow this to happen? How could he allow young girls to be raped on average 12 times a day? He's in control of the entire universe, right? So WHY would He let this happen?

A verse that immediately comes to mind is Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD. 'They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope'". Well, this sounds all hunky dory doesn't it: that God has good plans for us? However, as soon as I remember this verse I have to quickly remember to put it INTO CONTEXT, something that many people often don't do.

First, it's important to remember when this was written. This was written during the Babylonian captivity. Jews, God's chosen people, had been forced from their homes and into slavery in a foreign, had their temple destroyed and had probably seen loved ones killed along the way. They probably didn't like behind told that God had good plans for them. I mean, when someone close to you dies, you don't like being told, "God has good things for you" do you? Personally, if I had just had all that happened to me, I'd be kind of ticked that someone had the nerve to say, "God has good things for you".

Secondly, read the verses before and after, or just read the entire chapter.

¹⁰ This is what the Lord says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

Okay, so the first thing the Jews are told is that they will be in captivity for ANOTHER 70 years! Many Jews who are reading this will not be alive to see their captivity end. That's a key concept: we have to wait on God and possibly a very long time. I know I personally struggle with this as I hate waiting. I want comfort and justice and answers to come immediately. I've been saying for years that God needs to get a 1-800 #. But, God doesn't work that way. So, when we're expecting answers, comfort, direction ext., we have to remember to wait patiently on God, even though it's difficult. 

Thirdly, we need to remember to pray to God, even when it's hard. But, how awesome is it that God promises to hear us? To listen to us? Even though we may not feel Him, He is there! He is with us! Even though it may take years, God promises to provide for us and bless us. 

So, here's the 3 step process that I've come up with to help me when I feel God is no longer good: 

1) Pray my little heart out. I ask God to show me His goodness and give me comfort. 

2) Trust that God is still good even though I cannot understand why He is allowing things to happen. 

3) Wait for God to do wonders. Even if I'm not comforted for months or years, I need to trust that God has good plans. 

Another thing I want to mention is that I do not believe God wants bad things to happen. He's not a god with temper issues and doesn't throw lightning bolts and famines at us every time we disobey. In the Old Testament, yes He punished Jews for their continual sin, but He always, always, worked out ways for them to be restored. The greatest being Christ's death and resurrection, where we can now be completely forgiven. Instead, I believe God gives us free will. God desires intimate, authentic relationships. And, it's cool that we mirror Him in that way. After all, would you rather have someone be your friend because they wanted to, or because they had to and instead acted like a robot? God gives us the option to follow Him. Sadly, people sin, A LOT! When we sin, our sins have the ability to hurt other people greatly. For example, when someone is raped, what happened? Well, the rapists sexual sin hurt the victim, right? And, if God had stepped in, how much free will would the rapist have had? Now, rape is an extremely terrible thing that disgusts me and cuts me to the core. So, I can only imagine that it hurts God that much more. BUT: what God does PROMISE is that He has the ability to turn ANY bad situation into something beautiful. This could take years, but God promises that He can bring healing, and closure, and justice and good things out of any situation. "For God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him.." Romans 8:28. I think this is kind of like God's battle plans: Satan can tempt people, but he will not prevail, because God can take whatever brokenness Satan causes and turn it into something wonderful, even though it may be hard. I've seen this happen in my own life. 

So, does God ever stop being good? Even though it may not always feel this way, I believe the answer is no. I believe God allows bad things to happen because He loves us enough to give us free will. Sadly, our free will = freedom to sin, which can deeply hurt others. But Our God, the Ruler of All, can take ANY hurt ANY pain and ANY brokenness, and heal it and turn it into something positive. It may take decades, but God can do this. 

Let's dance in these through these storms of life together! 

The Tragedies and Triumphs of Growing Up.



 

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When do you grow up? This has been the age old question for almost every person and the subject of countless books and movies. First of all, what does it even mean to be a grown up, an adult? According to the dictionary an adult is: a person who is fully grown and developed and has attained the age of maturity as specified by the law. Although that may seem like a cut and dry answer, I really don't think it is. Many people reach sexual maturity at age 13 and legal maturity by 18. However, I've never considered a 13 year old a grown up and consider very few 18 year olds grown ups. Why? The word "grown up", to me at least, connotes to responsibility and emotional maturity. Someone who can make good, responsible decisions under pressure and is able to take care of themselves. Additionally, a grown up has gone through the awkward and slightly painful moment where the realize they're no longer a child.

I'm writing all of this because I feel like the painful moment when I realized I was no longer a little kid happened a few nights ago. Sure, going off to college, having a "real" job and being responsible for all of my own expenses at times make me feel like I'm growing up, but I've never considered myself a grown up.

A few nights ago, an older woman in my community passed away. Although this marks the 4th person that I've known that has died in the past 18 months, her death hit me especially hard. The weird part was that I wasn't even especially close to her. However, she was one of the people that I just never pictured life with out. She had many children, grand children and great grandchildren. Like, a lot. It seemed everyone in her small town was related to her, and if they weren't, they wished they were. I went to school with several of her great-grandkids, and she was at every school event and every community event that ever happened (and in fact led many of the community events).

When I heard of her passing, I was shocked. She couldn't have died, she just couldn't, I thought. I thought back on all of my elementary memories that had her in it, which led to me thinking about times with her great-grandkids, which led me to think of the endless summers growing up and I slowly began to realize I'm not a little kid anymore.

I'm one of the few people, I believe, that can say I had the perfect childhood. Now, it was not free from pain or mistakes. Instead, it was full of long summer days at my great-grandma's (Jon-Jont) playing with my many cousins, camping in Northern Vermont, long days buildings dams in the creek, and starting many business attempts (I was a strange child, but now I have my own business). When I think of my childhood, I think of the picture below:

That's me and my hero, my grandma Donna, on the stone wall in front of our house that borders a huge field. That's my safe place. When I was mad or needed to think, I'd go there. You can see the mountains, watch the horses in the field, watch Gramma make dinner and watch my family members drive home up the hill. When I sat there I'd dream about what I'd be like when I was older. Now, every time I go home I go back and sit on that same rock, and remember what it was like to be little. 

Anyways....that was kind of long, so, my point: 

One of the things that I don't like about growing up is the loss on innocence  The life that you thought would be so great actually comes back to bite you in the rear. The cute boy you dreamt of dating = heartbreak. You couldn't wait to have a job = bills to pay. You couldn't wait to be able to do what ever you want = big mistakes. However, in all of this, God has the opportunity to do wonders. It's at our weakest points that He is able to come in, if we let Him, rebuild our heart, comfort us and help us make better choices in the future. Growing up is one big learning curve. You fail, you learn from it. You make an awesome achievement, you learn from it. 

Another thing I don't like about growing up is that I see all the mistakes I made. I told Gramma I hate her, which is the biggest lie I've ever told. I love that woman more than life itself. However, I now know I really need to guard my thoughts and the connection between my emotions, my thoughts and my mouth. Gram knows I don't hate her. I can't take back what is said, but I know to be careful with what I say. 

It makes me sad that I wasted so much of my childhood wishing I was older. There are so many great things to being little! Now, I need to realize to cherish every stage of my life, like the awesome stage I'm in right now! Instead of looking back or forward, I need to focus on and cherish today. I need to learn from my past and plan for my future, but I essentially need to focus on today and what God wants me to do today. 

Probably the biggest thing I miss about being little is the people. Everyone I loved was still alive, like Grandpa. Man, oh man, I miss him. HOW EXCITING IS IT that when I get to Heaven, I'll be with all my loved ones that have gone before me that believed in Christ! AND, there will be no pain and no sin! No more mistakes! And we'll be together in perfect, perfectness, this is so exciting! I need to focus on pointing my family to Christ, not dreading their eventually death, but looking forward to the awesome reunion. 

Again, most importantly, I need to celebrate being young: Learning from my mistakes, being attentive to where God is calling me and focusing on what He wants to do today. As Paul said,

"Don't let people look down on you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Tim. 4:12 

No matter what stage you are in your life, no matter if you're in a stormy season or a sunny day, realize what God is calling you to do today. Learn from your past, plan for tomorrow, but don't let either of them become idols. Run the good race, and aim to be an example for all in how you act, how you live, your faith and how you love. 

Cut to the Core: One of the Reasons God Allows Us to Hurt

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Do you ever have days, weeks or maybe even months where the pain just seems to cut you to the core?  For me, it's been one of those kinds of weeks. 

As many of you know I really, really value relationships. Whether they are relationships with family members, friends or romantic interests, when I'm in a relationship with someone I love them deeply and want to hold on to the thread that connects us, our relationship, for as long as possible. 

Over this past week, some relationships that I value have been broken or greatly strained. Something happened with my dad, signifying that what little of a relationship we did have is over. Two of my best friends growing up are being hit with great trials, and it hurts me so much to know that I can't be with them to comfort them. One of them has chosen to completely leave my life. And, with Valentines Day this week, especially at a Christian college, I continue to miss my now ex-boyfriend and the long relationship that we had. Needless to say, it's been a rough week. 

On Thursday I locked myself in one of the prayer closets upstairs. It was late at night (or early in the morning, depending on how you look at it) so the dorm was dark and nearly silent. I felt so alone. 

As I was sitting in the empty room I began crying. I wanted so badly to say something to God, but I didn't know what to say. Funny how that happens, isn't it? In the quiet and in my loneliness, I remembered this verse:

"...the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. For we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes for them." Romans 8:26-28

Wow. It's amazing how God has us remember scriptures when we need it. Even though I didn't know what to say to God in my loneliness, He knew that I was lonely and the entire spectrum of emotions that I was feeling before I even entered that prayer closet. 

While I was sitting there, I felt God ask me: "Krista, what relationships DO you have in your life?" I began to name members of my huge family and greatly valued friends here at school. I realized that this past week I'd been doing something that I've always done: focus on what I've lost or don't have (the negative) instead of focusing on what God has blessed me with (the positive).  I then realized that I should be focusing on building the relationships that I do have instead of crying over the relationships that God has altered for some reason.

The next day when I was doing my devo's, God did something else cool. I'm currently reading through 2 Corinthians during my devotional time and it is quickly tying with Romans as my favorite book (I know having a "favorite" book in the Bible could cause a theological debate, so instead I'll call it: the book that speaks to me the most). The first passage in 2 Corinthians 1 immediately stood out to me: 

"...God is our merciful Father and the sources of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with His comfort through Christ" 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Again, WOW! God is awesome for prompting me to read this passage. Nothing could have spoke to me more! Honestly, one of the first things I thought was, "Well, it's not fair that I should have to suffer only so I can comfort others". I immediately realized how silly of a thought that was, but in case you thought it I wanted you to realize that you were not alone. BUT! It has long been said that empathy (the ability to understand or share feelings with another) is one of the greatest feelings that a human can have. And, after reading this and the Romans 8 passage I believe it is further proof that we are made in the image of God, as He Himself is *the* great empathizer!  

Perhaps God is allowing me to go through the very difficult trials that I am going through, and you to go through the very great trials that you are going through, to accomplish great things for Him! Perhaps, one day in life, because of the pain from the relationships I've lost I will be able to tell someone who is hurting, "I understand how you feel! I was there, let me tell you how God carried me through it." Because, above, God promises to be the great giver of comfort! He will carry us through anything that He has brought us to and continue to comfort us until the trial or pain eventually ceases. As He said: The more we suffer for Christ, the more He will shower His comfort on us! I don't know about you, but just that verse gives me a great deal of comfort! 

Now, some of you may think I'm silly to say that I am suffering for Christ by loosing these relationships. I agree, since I don't know the future, I cannot say that. What I am saying, though, is that God is refining me. He is altering relationships for some great purpose that I am yet to see! I pray so very much that God uses these trials that I've gone through to allow me to comfort others and to point them to Him! He'll give me the comfort. How awesome it will be if my suffering, if my pain, allows me to empathize with someone else and show them that God is the ultimate giver of comfort! 

I pray that if you're going through something, this post has provided you with some comfort. Praying for you! Keep marching on through the painful days and weeks. God will provide the comfort. And, you pain is not without some greater purpose!