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Do you ever have days, weeks or maybe even months where the pain just seems to cut you to the core? For me, it's been one of those kinds of weeks.
As many of you know I really, really value relationships. Whether they are relationships with family members, friends or romantic interests, when I'm in a relationship with someone I love them deeply and want to hold on to the thread that connects us, our relationship, for as long as possible.
Over this past week, some relationships that I value have been broken or greatly strained. Something happened with my dad, signifying that what little of a relationship we did have is over. Two of my best friends growing up are being hit with great trials, and it hurts me so much to know that I can't be with them to comfort them. One of them has chosen to completely leave my life. And, with Valentines Day this week, especially at a Christian college, I continue to miss my now ex-boyfriend and the long relationship that we had. Needless to say, it's been a rough week.
On Thursday I locked myself in one of the prayer closets upstairs. It was late at night (or early in the morning, depending on how you look at it) so the dorm was dark and nearly silent. I felt so alone.
As I was sitting in the empty room I began crying. I wanted so badly to say something to God, but I didn't know what to say. Funny how that happens, isn't it? In the quiet and in my loneliness, I remembered this verse:
"...the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. For we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purposes for them." Romans 8:26-28
Wow. It's amazing how God has us remember scriptures when we need it. Even though I didn't know what to say to God in my loneliness, He knew that I was lonely and the entire spectrum of emotions that I was feeling before I even entered that prayer closet.
While I was sitting there, I felt God ask me: "Krista, what relationships DO you have in your life?" I began to name members of my huge family and greatly valued friends here at school. I realized that this past week I'd been doing something that I've always done: focus on what I've lost or don't have (the negative) instead of focusing on what God has blessed me with (the positive). I then realized that I should be focusing on building the relationships that I do have instead of crying over the relationships that God has altered for some reason.
The next day when I was doing my devo's, God did something else cool. I'm currently reading through 2 Corinthians during my devotional time and it is quickly tying with Romans as my favorite book (I know having a "favorite" book in the Bible could cause a theological debate, so instead I'll call it: the book that speaks to me the most). The first passage in 2 Corinthians 1 immediately stood out to me:
"...God is our merciful Father and the sources of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with His comfort through Christ" 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Again, WOW! God is awesome for prompting me to read this passage. Nothing could have spoke to me more! Honestly, one of the first things I thought was, "Well, it's not fair that I should have to suffer only so I can comfort others". I immediately realized how silly of a thought that was, but in case you thought it I wanted you to realize that you were not alone. BUT! It has long been said that empathy (the ability to understand or share feelings with another) is one of the greatest feelings that a human can have. And, after reading this and the Romans 8 passage I believe it is further proof that we are made in the image of God, as He Himself is *the* great empathizer!
Perhaps God is allowing me to go through the very difficult trials that I am going through, and you to go through the very great trials that you are going through, to accomplish great things for Him! Perhaps, one day in life, because of the pain from the relationships I've lost I will be able to tell someone who is hurting, "I understand how you feel! I was there, let me tell you how God carried me through it." Because, above, God promises to be the great giver of comfort! He will carry us through anything that He has brought us to and continue to comfort us until the trial or pain eventually ceases. As He said: The more we suffer for Christ, the more He will shower His comfort on us! I don't know about you, but just that verse gives me a great deal of comfort!
Now, some of you may think I'm silly to say that I am suffering for Christ by loosing these relationships. I agree, since I don't know the future, I cannot say that. What I am saying, though, is that God is refining me. He is altering relationships for some great purpose that I am yet to see! I pray so very much that God uses these trials that I've gone through to allow me to comfort others and to point them to Him! He'll give me the comfort. How awesome it will be if my suffering, if my pain, allows me to empathize with someone else and show them that God is the ultimate giver of comfort!
I pray that if you're going through something, this post has provided you with some comfort. Praying for you! Keep marching on through the painful days and weeks. God will provide the comfort. And, you pain is not without some greater purpose!
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