Everyday, God is awesome. He causes the sun to rise, paints rainbows, sends cool breezes, hears our prayers, calms our storms, gives us hope, gives us comfort...every single second, even in the worst moments of our lives, God is awesome. But today, God showed off.
I am a weak, fragile human being. I've seen myself fail so much this week. I let some swears slip while trying to drive a stick shift through FIVE major cities at rush hour. I had judgmental thoughts. I've been worried about how this semester would pan out. I haven't had a quiet time in almost a week. Yeah...I've failed God a lot this week.
And honestly, from a human perspective if I was God, I would be quite frustrated with me (Krista). He has done SO MUCH for me this past year. He has provided over and over and over again. He has comforted over and over and over again. When I cried out He showed up over and over and over again. Yet, for some reason, I still like to trust MY OWN plan. Instead of being in constant fellowship with God, I take breaks. After everything He has done for me, not only my entire life but ESPECIALLY this past year, I become frustrated that I'm still...well...human. But, in all of my brokenness, God showed up today in a BIG way. SO BIG that I was stunned.
For the past year God has been pulling me back to Him, and at points I've had my heels dug in the sand. I gave up a full scholarship to pursue a degree I thought He was calling me to. He took people I deeply loved out of my life because they were distracting me from Him. He's open and closed big doors. All to bring me to TODAY. To *THIS* point.
Today, I was offered an internship at the Northwest Arkansas Rape Crisis Center. This is a HUGE deal for me. This past year, although it has been so difficult I do not have a word to describe it, I've continually said yes to God, and no to me. And today, I saw that if we say yes to God He will bless and provide.
This internship is huge not only because it's what I want to do (Special Victims Advocacy) but because this was the icing on the cake for having this semester work out. He provided me with a workstudy job I wanted. He gave me an extra job (which I began training for today). And, He gave me my dream internship. All of which works together so perfectly that it had to be ordained by Him.
This week I have felt more peace and joy than I have ever felt in my entire life. And today, THREE PEOPLE saw that. I went to campus and three people said, "Krista, you look so different". When I asked them why, they all said in their various ways, "You just look so peaceful and joyful. Your entire demeanor has changed". That was such a blessing to hear. Because, my heart HAS changed. I have learned to trust in God in a way I never could have unless He had allowed me to walk through the hard time. And look what He just did: He gave me everything *I* wanted for the semester, because I was ultimately seeking *His* will for me. It's pretty awesome when we focus on making our desires what God wants for us.
So, God showed up today big time. He showed me that the pain I've gone through WAS worth it. He showed me how my heart IS changing. He just...blew me away. I know this all may sound petty, but just to actually SEE HIM work everything out; to know I was doing what He wanted, is amazing! To have others say I've changed is SO encouraging!
However, I am still human. And I still need lots of prayer. Tomorrow I have my meeting to figure out my work study schedule. Unless it fits in the very little time I have available, my whole schedule will fall apart. Even though God showed up today in a big way, I'm still tempted to worry. So please, pray for me!
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